my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Friday, May 13, 2005
ogay here i am for my daily dosage of whining, bitching and the likes. ahh, the simple pleasures of life. HAHA.
michael jackson is dope :) even though im freaking tired, listening to him makes me perk up a little. gah so much work due, im going nutters. econs ended kinda late, but i somehow managed to listen to every word ms dawnie chow said. i really like her, and yani thinks im homosexual now. jes because of the intense debate we were having during gp. hmph she thinks im weird because lee kwan yew's my idol, i like econs + ms chow and i went around looking for history books to read in the library. what's so weird about that?!
im tired, bored, shutting down and on the verge of mental breakdown. ha ha NOT, but you get the idea. sigh only did tuition hw and re-did edna tan's mindmap. still have one more mind map to go, ie more readings to plunge into. and how about that econs essay. i really should tear up paper to vent my frustrations. saw the A level results being pinned up at some notice board, and somehow it all got to me. i really want to get my perfect score. even though i stopped short of it by such a small margin for the O's, i'm still largely disappointed. the experience of result taking comes back to torment me randomly. i know i did relatively well compared to the majority, but i didn't meet my own standards. sigh sometimes, i really wonder, did i not put in enough effort? well if so, i had better start doing some serious studying now. i guess i was kinda brought back to my senses today, and so that means less of this stupid computer and more of Sloman, Addition Formulae, Ted Hughes and blah all the most mundane things you can ever think of. i really want to go back to how i used to be. i loved studying, enjoyed the satisfaction it brought me when i completed work and grasped concepts. i mean, studying is so much less frustrating than dealing with people. although, math does seem to have the ability to achieve the same effect on me. ha ha but still, it's so manageable. not in the sense that it's easy, but it's something which you can tackle as long as you're willing to put in that teeny weeny bit more of effort. but the converse is true when it comes to relationships. sometimes, no matter how you try, what you give, it all goes to waste. people are too complex for me i guess. ha ha the tragic irony that i'm one of them. sometimes i wonder, do i ever do things that make people feel the same way too? see, i'm getting confused trying to make sense of it. which is why i say, studying is definitely much better. i jes need to find my determination and aspirations again, pick myself up from where i stumbled, and walk on.
sigh, that was a whole load of crap from me today.
written with ♥ at
6:50 AM;
